


two birds

by chemicalburnfromthespiralperm



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, Non AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-30 17:10:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12113358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chemicalburnfromthespiralperm/pseuds/chemicalburnfromthespiralperm
Summary: Katya goes on a yoga retreat for two weeks and Trixie feels like Roxxxy at a bus stop, or, the 100% absolutely true and in no way fiction based story of how Katya and Trixie get together.





	two birds

**Author's Note:**

> This is absolutely 100% fiction. Don't come for me. 
> 
> This is also cross posted to artificial queens on tumblr. Follow me @ trixiespads

"It's two weeks."

"Ya, two fuckin weeks, bitch! Think about all the memes you're gonna miss out on. All the drag names I'm gonna come up with while you're gone. What the fuck."

Katya rolls her eyes but there's mirth as she folds her yoga pants and slides them into the suitcase. Her glasses slide down her nose and before she knows it there's Trixie's delicate little man hand sliding them back up into place from where she sits cross legged on the bed next to the case. Husband. For fucking real. She looks tired, exhausted in her own right from doing the same amount of touring but even in this lighting she looks pretty - cheeks were sunken in a little, she doesn't eat well on the road despite Katya harassing her. It makes her stomach ache a little bit, but Trixie does as Trixie does.

Katya just smirks, lack of mirth in the corners of her mouth - more amusement than adoration, and then sighs. 

"You're gonna be fine. You can still text me! Jesus."

"And look like an asshole while iMessage tells me 'delivered' and not 'read?' I'm not that desperate, okay. I guess I'll just have to miss you like some kind of pilgrim. This is ridiculous. You promised. I feel like Roxxxy at a bus stop."

"AAAAH! Oh my god, you wretched whore! She cried, those were real tears!"

"Ya, and so will mine be when you ditch me for hippes!"

She looks fucking petulant. Like a child. Katya's heart aches for a second. Only a second. She's stronger than that. 

"Bitch, you can always come with me!"

"BITCH, does this hog body look like it does yoga? Who you think I am?"

Katya, is again, rolling her eyes and she punctuates her discontent with the slam of the suitcase closed. 

"It's two weeks. You will live."

"I'm gonna die, you mean."

"Will you really die without me, Tracy? Who's gonna drive me to the airport? Certainly none of the other friends I have that I don't care about."

Trixie raises both eyebrows and truly looks like a petulant housewife who got the credit card taken away from her - legs crossed at the ankles, short shorts that show off that fucking tan, the muscles in her arms after that tempestuous, arduous fitness journey. Katya narrows her own eyes in response and desperately tries to ignore the stirring in her stomach.

"I'm gonna miss you."

"I'll miss you, too. Now, give mama a kiss."

Trixie purses her lips but does as she's told, sits up on her knees and presses a kiss to Katya's cheek. Trixie grimaces against the rough grain of her stubble. 

"Now, there's a good girl. You gonna drive me to the airport or make me take an uber?"

\-----

It's not fair.

Louisiana is boring but shows are not and every time she texts Katya there's no one there on the other end and she sulks. She's not used to not getting 18 texts in a row from Katya's never ending stream of consciousness about whatever new topic she's on next. If they thought UNHhhh was bad, they should see their texts. Or, maybe they shouldn't, because there is quite possibly some incriminating things in here. 

It's been three days and it's already been three too long. Sure, they go months without seeing each other only to meet back up again for filming, but Katya is always AVAILABLE. She always texts, she always calls, she always FaceTimes. Right now, Trixie is alone with self-indulgent thoughts about what Katya would do if Trixie disappeared for two weeks on a yoga retreat. 

Not that that would ever happen.

But still. 

She's playing through her album, writing new things, just messing with her guitar when the FaceTime ringtone starts blaring. She reaches for it and when she sees it's Katya she drops everything and slides to answer. 

"Barbara, I'm stretching again!"

"I hate you and I miss you. Are you done yet?"

Katya rolls her eyes in the shitty lighting, but she's grinning. "It's only been three days! Shut up! What are you doing?"

"I was playing guitar and brainstorming my suicide note. What are you doing?"

"I was playing with my pussy and brainstorming MY suicide note! What a coincidence! I miss you, too, Trixie. How's the gig?"

Trixie smiles, this time it's a warm smile because she does miss Katya, and it's crazy that this time it feels a hundred times worse. 

"It's great, but nothing is truly great when you miss your stupid best friend. How's your fitness journey? Are you high? Did everyone bring weed?"

Katya grins back at her. "Yes, there's weed, but no I'm not high right now. Stone cold sober. I'm trying to stay sober for this retreat. It's something stupid I'm trying: health. Crazy fad all you millennials keep hyping up."

"She says with a cigarette between her fingers."

"I never said I was smart."

"You never said you weren't, either. But, I hope you're having fun."

"I am, and I'll be back before you know it, okay? I just wanted to call and make sure you were still alive. I love you."

Katya says it and Trixie's stomach drops. Her mouth goes dry and a blush is creeping across her cheeks and the world turns upside down and her heart falls out of her asshole and... and....

"I love you, too, Katya. Call me when you can. Good night."

"Good night, love."

The screen goes black. 

\-----

Trixie wants to die. Metaphorically. Not literally. Because when your best friend tells you they love you it should mean nothing more than that - a platonic declaration of true non romantic feelings you have for someone you hold dear. It shouldn't feel as though you've been drowning your whole life and the minute that other person says it, it feels like they grab you by the collar and pull you up for air. Was Katya the breath she needed all along? What's really fucking gay about this is that the day seems brighter. Colors seem more vibrant. Her heart is light. 

But, also, there's the existential dread she feels in her bones at the thought of everything she knows, loves, and holds dear crashing down on her and her entire life getting ruined because she fell in love when it was only ever platonic. 

Katya comes back today and she's spent two weeks reading into absolutely everything Katya has ever said or done that could possibly mean she loves Trixie, too. What's super immature is that she doesn't have the guts to ask Katya herself - she just reads fan theories and watches videos of Katya talking about wanting to fuck Trixie. There's wanting to fuck and there's wanting to be in love. Trixie can't just fuck her. She can't. She'd die every day until she died if Katya ever fucked her once and then left her. She'd never be the same and she curses the part of her brain that tells her she has to love someone before she can give herself to them, but then again just fucking Katya would never satisfy her. She wants to love Katya. She wants to pick her up from the airport and cook her dinner. She wants to slide her arms around Katya from behind while she's doing the dishes and kiss her neck. She wants to lay with Katya on the couch and watch MASH with her. She wants to smell Katya's morning breath. She wants to get into stupid couples fights with her. 

She wants to exist with her. 

She's at the gate waiting, backwards hat, tank top and all. She thanks god that no ones recognized her out of drag and prays that no one does. She wants this moment to be between them. 

Moment? What the fuck. 

Trixie shoves her hands into her pockets and paces. She's making this a bigger deal than it is. They're best friends. Ya, fuck Tracy for figuring out she's in love with her. Has she always been? Probably! 

No one ever said Tracy was smart. 

Trixie has her back to the gate so when she feels two arms snake around her middle and a dick press between her asscheeks she screams - literally.

Katya is behind her fully losing her shit, laughing so hard she might be crying.

"Katya, what the fuck?!"

"Boner city!"

Trixie has to stop herself from screaming more, and she slaps Katya on the arms before pulling her into a hug. Katya's hands go straight for Trixie's ass - not a single fuck given for the myriad of people watching Trixie get harassed. 

"I'm sorry, it's been two weeks and I'm so horny right now."

"You're fucking gross."

Katya looks completely different yet completely the same - the usual sunkenness of her eyes has depleted. She looks like she's gotten actual sleep. Katya smells like lavender and it irritates her that she likes it so much. Katya looks completely rested and rejuvenated and Trixie is only a little jealous. Katya's arms snake around Trixie's neck and they hug for a long moment this time, bodies pressed together from chest to groin, taking deep breaths, breathing each other in. Katya smells like lavender and wood, fresh air and cotton. This is so gay. 

"I missed you."

"You've been without me before. You went a whole 24 years without me before we met."

They finally pull away and Katya is grinning, ear to ear. She looks happy. Trixie wonders if it has anything to do with her.

"Ya, and I wasn't famous or rich before I met you so look at me now. Now you know why I missed you so much!"

Katya just shakes her head and laces her fingers with Trixie's. "I'm starving - take me home and we'll order pizza."

\-----

They're sitting on the couch laughing so loud the neighbors might call the cops soon. Trixie's face and chest are warm from the wine and Katya is loose and tangle-free from the weed. They've slipped right back home into whatever they were before. Trixie feels weird and she isn't sure if she's drunk or not. She's a bottle and a half in but she feels calm, not drunk.

"What's wrong, Tracy? You keep looking at me like that."

Trixie rolls her eyes and pours herself another glass of Rosé. "I'm not looking at you any type of way! I'm just happy you're back. Neither of us are leaving the state for a week. I've got you back and I'm taking advantage of it. Do you want more water?"

Katya shakes her head. "No, I'm fine, but you look very deep in thought. Share with the class, please?"

"I don't know, I just - I don't know. I missed you." 

"You keep saying that."

Katya's tone seems pointed. She leans forward to grab her pack of cigarettes and makes gornthe balcony without saying another word. Trixie let's her alone and watches her from the couch. The cigarette is second nature to Katya - she wields it with a reckless abandon that seems like she'll drop it any moment, but she knows exactly what she's doing. She'd never let it fall. Her left arm is crossed over her chest and her right is resting on it, easy access to the cigarette as she gazes out at the cityscape.

Trixie is aching. She needs to be honest. She follows Katya outside, wine glass in tow. 

"So why did we never try it?"

"What, you being honest with me?" Katya doesn't even look over at her. 

"Ouch. You ever think that some things aren't your business?" That gets Katya's attention. Her head snaps over. She looks like she's been slapped. "Why are you mad at me?"

"Trixie..." Her face softens and she ditches the cigarette, douses it with her shoe. "I'm not... you're acting weird. You've been getting like this lately. I wanna know what I did wrong. I'm a grown man, you can tell me. You're my best friend. Aren't we supposed to, like... tell each other shit? Are you really that pissed at me for going on the retreat?"

"Oh, my god. No. I get it, I'm younger than you, but do you really think I'm immature to boot? If that's what we're doing then tell me - did you fuck anyone on that retreat?"

Katya's jaw drops. "You have got to be fucking kidding me. Why is that any of your business? Why do you care?"

"No fuckin' reason. Just wanted to make sure you didn't bring anything home." Trixie leaves Katya and her jaw out on the balcony and goes back inside. Her blood is boiling, her heart is racing, and she wants to cry. Maybe she is drunk. She grabs the wine bottle and goes into the kitchen to dump the liquor out. She is trying to breathe deeply, desperately trying to find herself again. She hears the glass door slide open and closed, and she hears Katya's feet slapping against the hard wood into the kitchen. 

"That was too far."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are. I'm gonna go."

Trixie's heart falls out of her asshole. 

"Um, please don't do that?" Trixie turns around and sees that Katya's eyes are wet. Now they're both gonna start fucking crying. Welcome home, Katya. "Please don't fucking do that. Please. I'm sorry, and I'm... I think I'm drunk. I'm sorry."

"What is your problem, Trixie? I go away for two weeks and tell you about one guy and as soon as I get home you do this. I don't understand. We are not a thing, Brian."

"So, tell me why. Tell me why we've never tried it!"

"Don't act like I've never tried, girl. 'Oh, it's professional. Oh, it'll mess things up. Oh, it's weird for me.' I tried, and you were never interested." Trixie stays silent and Katya's eyes grow wide again. "Oh, don't you fucking tell me you're interested now, Brian. What the fuck?"

Trixie bites her lip. "I'm sorry."

"You should be. How long?"

"What-"

"You know exactly what I'm asking. How long, Brian?"

Trixie won't meet his eyes. "A while."

"How long is a WHILE, Tracy?! A month? Years?!"

"Oh, okay, cool! Don't fuckin' yell at me! Probably since forever! I was probably born with a predisposition for you! It's been a fuckin' while and god forbid I listen to my gut or my brian for once and finally realize that I've been in love with you for longer than I can say. There you go."

It's Katya's turn to be silent. She doesn't say anything, she just studies Trixie's face.

"I've loved you since you told us you were a hair and makeup artist in the workroom. Since fucking Fame asked you for a Red Bull. It's been forever for me, Trixie. Through everything, it's been forever."

It's a pure love, Trixie realizes - the kind that loves you even when you don't deserve it. Trixie didn't. 

"I can't... I can't do this, though, Katya. You of all people can't break my heart. I'm... that I am not strong enough to survive. I could live with loving you and never getting to show you, but I can't live with knowing that you're gonna hurt me."

Katya nods. "I'm... I'm a drug addict. You know that. I'm... not the best at making decisions. I act impulsively. I sleep around. I'm 34 and have yet to have a serious relationship. But I know that I'm in love with you and that I want to be with you."

"You can't just fuck me and then only see me for filming. You can't do that to me. You can't keep fucking random trade on the road."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"I won't fuck random trade anymore. I won't love you and leave you, but you gotta understand - I'm fucking scared. I'm so terrified. You're the first person in my life that's ever understood me in the way that you do and I'm so scared to let you in and then you realize how insane I truly am and you break my heart. You can't break mine either."

"No promises, then."

Trixie takes a step forward. There are no cameras here, no fans to please and no press to impress. They're alone, truly. This won't be for the butt of a joke or for laughs on screen. Trixie feels like she's gonna have a god damn heart attack.

"No promises."


End file.
